Gmail - Chat with Poncho Peligroso
Chat with Poncho Peligroso
Poncho Peligroso <mcponcho@gmail.com> Sun, Nov 7, 2010 at 12:11 AM To: marshall.mallicoat@gmail.com
10:00 PM
Poncho: whassap yo
10:01 PM
Marshall: hey bro
10:02 PM
Poncho: nothing is happening and it’s cold
Marshall: yeah
seems normal
Poncho: yeah
today i had a four-hour rehearsal for tartuffe and then passed out for most of the day
10:03 PM
Marshall: is that the play you’re doing
tartuffe
Poncho: i was way too into it and had like a controlled panic attack onstage and couldn’t feel my face or hands
yeah
i’m so fucking exhausted
i woke up in the early evening and drank a red bull in the hopes that i would be able to use the energy to go have fun with people
but nothing is happening and it is cold
10:04 PM
Marshall: damn
yeah
theater seems crazy
seems really hard
Poncho: thursday is opening night
i’m freaked out a bit
but i think it’ll be good
10:05 PM
Marshall: do you have a big part
Poncho: yeah i’m the father figure who’s sort of the central character who everyone is trying to convince in different directions all the time
‘orgon’
Marshall: oregon
Poncho: haha
lately the cast has started making fun of each other’s names all the time
10:06 PM
i’m usually oregon or oregano
Marshall: i just wikipedia’d it
what translation are you doing
like, is it in meter, is it rhymed
when was it translated
Poncho: yeah, it’s rhyming meter
the early sixties i think
don’t remember the translator’s name tho
Marshall: like, is it that strict meter through the entire thing?
10:07 PM
like 12 syllables or whatever?
rhyming couplets?
Poncho: yeah
it’s really strict
Marshall: goddamn
Poncho: but that actually makes it easier to memorize
Marshall: does it sound crazy
hearing people talk like that for hours
does it seem insane
Poncho: it did at first, some of the cast is better at making it sound normal
10:08 PM
it’s an amazing translation for the fact that it can actually sound pretty normal a lot of the time even though it’s rhymed and metered
Marshall: are there any lines that you like “really don’t like”
Poncho: hm
Marshall: any lines that make you “cringe” every time
10:09 PM
Poncho: my ‘son’ has a lot of weird lines, he’s always angry
there’s one line where he’s yelling at a guy something like
‘someone might execute a smart tattoo on that black jacket of yours before you’re through’
and nobody can figure out exactly what that means and he can never manage to get it to sound natural
10:10 PM
Marshall: to “execure a smart tattoo” seems to mean like to “beat it”
like, ppl write sometimes “beat tattoo” like to mean “beat a rhythm”
Poncho: hm
Marshall: like, hit the jacket
Poncho: maybe
10:11 PM
Marshall: “beat a tattoo”8
*
fuck
seems dumn
idiomatic
dumb*
fuck
Poncho: yeah it’s one of the few lines that lapses into some kind of idiom that people just can’t work their tongues around
that sounded dirty
Marshall: idiom
10:12 PM
like, whenever i see a musical or something, i like often really don’t like it
like, all those “clever rhymes” and shit
they say so much stupid shit
Poncho: yeah
10:13 PM
i’m not much of a fan of musicals and i often don’t like extraneous rhyme but i’m pretty amazed by how well tartuffe works in dialogue despite how unnatural the writing is, clearly
i’ve fantasized as like
restructuring the whole thing
as a rap battle
Marshall: yeah
rap battles are like, often really wack, too
10:14 PM
like, so bad
ppl are terrible
Poncho: AND NOT CONTENT WITH SUCH EXTREME RASCALITY/NOW THREATENS ME WITH MY OWN LIBERALITY/ AND AIMS BY TAKING BASE ADVANTAGE OF/ THE GIFTS I GAVE HIM OUT OF CHRISTIAN LOVE/ TO DRIVE ME FROM MY HOUSE A RUINED MAN/ AND MAKE ME END A PAUPER AS HE BEGAN
Marshall: off the dome
Poncho: live life in caps lock
Marshall: spitting these flows
fuck
have you seen like
10:15 PM
“essay on man” or something
whose is that
Poncho: no
i don’t know
Marshall: alexander pope
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Essay_on_Man
like
fuck
shit seems crazy
all those epic english poems
in “miltonian meter” and shit
essays about philosophy and shit in meter and rhyme
fuck
10:16 PM
what were they doing
what were they thinking
i can’t understand that shit
those epic poem things
seems insane
Poncho: we could probably understand what they were thinking if we actually read them but i tend to not be able to read anything that has apostrophes in the middles of words that have ‘e’ in them just to replace the ‘e’
10:17 PM
Marshall: yeah
Poncho: “abus’d or disabus’d”
Marshall: e’ryday
Poncho: er’yday
Marshall: yeah
feel like, i’m like “really prejudiced” when it comes to “word choice”
like, so many words seems so bad
10:18 PM
Poncho: every word probably has its place that it can be put to good use, but it seems like some words are just thought of as ‘more poetic’ and so they appear in poems where there is probably another word that would suit it better but not seem as poetic, or something
10:19 PM
Marshall: yeah
dunno
feel like i am really “inflexible”
Poncho: bright lights make me sneeze and i feel like i’m going to sneeze but i can’t so i’m turning the brightness on my monitor up and down in an attempt to make myself sneeze and it’s not working
i’m stuck in sneeze limbo
Marshall: like, there are only a few ways of using certain words that seem “acceptable” to me
Poncho: it is impossible to communicatre
oh man
10:20 PM
perfect typo
Marshall: that’s a good typo
look at that typo
10:21 PM
the english language seems like “really dirty”
fucked up and irregular
Poncho: it’s a mongrel bitch
Marshall: like, seems like some things are okayy
i like some parts of it
Poncho: there’s a girl who i’ve kind of got a thing going on with here but tonight i realized that i don’t have her phone number but have only contacted her through facebook and gchat and i feel desperately alone
i like english for how much you can fuck with it
for how fucked up it is
split every infinitive
10:22 PM
end every sentence with a preposition with
Marshall: yeah
i guess
dunno
dunno
dunno
feel like i might read grammar books and shit
dunno
like
dunno
10:23 PM
i was some perverse desire for “consistency” in things
Poncho: i just tried to click on this chat window and accidentally opened skype
Marshall: it seems like language is inherently “unbalanced” and “uneven” and shit
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: like, it makes me want to be like a painter, or something
Poncho: i hate it when someone asks me for the definition of a word that i understand but find myself completely incapable of explaining it
Marshall: and just paint squares and shit
10:24 PM
yeah
like, i look up the etymology of words a lot
to understand what they mean better
Poncho: ‘copacetic’
i hate that word
so much
also ‘blogosphere’
but for different reasons
Marshall: like, many words that are used “abstractly” have some “concrete” meaning that the “abstract” meaning is a like “metaphorical extension” of
10:25 PM
Poncho: yeah
‘fish’
Marshall: like, “all language is metonymy” or something
dunno
i like the sound of voices
i like how ppl talk
i like accents and shit
10:26 PM
Poncho: i have like the plainest most uninflected nonregional american accent ever
Marshall: i like ppl that talked in like really repetitive ways, or something
yeah
i’m not really sure what my accent sounds like
it’s hard to know
like, i always thought it was pretty “neutral” but maybe it’s not entirely that
10:27 PM
Poncho: a girl asked me to record a video of me reciting my poetry the other night and i recorded it and watched it and felt really dirty
partially because i was shirtless in the video
out of laziness
Marshall: yeah
in my old apartment, it would be hot a lot
so i wouldn’t wear shirts or pants, or whatever
10:28 PM
Poncho: ~50% of existing photos of you are shirtless
Marshall: yeah
like
yeah
it’s probably cuz my roommate took more pictures of me when i wasn’t wearing a shirt than when i was
felt like an exhibitionist
10:29 PM
feel like i’m kinda an exhibitionist
gay shit
Poncho: yeah, if only other people were okay with that so we could achieve our dreams of bodily acceptance and thus be slightly less insecure
10:30 PM
Marshall: yeah
nudism
dunno
i want to make a documentary
10:31 PM
cuz like, if you are recording things, you are “more brave” or something
like, you are trying to “make it good” for “the camera”
Poncho: god damn the song i’m listening to just said ‘you will never leave this place, you will always feel alone’
fuck you laura marling
Marshall: that’s good
seems true
ha
Poncho: i’m restarting the song so i can hear it again
Marshall: dunno what the “point” of art is
10:32 PM
like, some sad ppl just write sad songs for sad ppl to listen to
Poncho: makes me feel less alone
it’s like
Marshall: sad ppl feel better when they listen to sad songs
sad ppl feel better when they write sad songs
Poncho: loneliness is slightly less lonely if you know other people are lonely like you are lonely, even if it isn’t an actual respite from that loneliness
Marshall: yeah
Poncho: oh my god i’m so alone
Marshall: seems like “everyone is alone”
seems like that is a “universal truth”
10:33 PM
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: like, “you can never be unalone”
like, no matter what you do, you’ll still be trapped inside your brain
Poncho: i tried to write a love poem and i ended up including the line ‘it is impossible to communicate with another human being’
i fucked up pretty bad
that love poem
Marshall: yeah
like
poems have “plots” sort of
10:34 PM
you can fuck it up if you put the wrong kind of line somewhere
dunno
Poncho: i think it works it’s just not what i intended
whatevs
Marshall: like, sometimes i just want to list “facts” and not try to create a “plot”
Poncho: god damn it’s 11:30
i guess this is what i’m doing with my night
Marshall: ah
it’s 10:30 in central time
you’re so fucked
ha
fuck
10:35 PM
last night, i felt fucked
like, when i’m around ppl and no one is paying attention to me
i’ll just say, “fuck fuck fuck” over and over
or “jesus”
or “shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit”
i guess even when ppl are listening i do that
i just say those things over and over
Poncho: that sounds nice kind of
Marshall: to feel better
Poncho: really gets to the heart of things
cuts through the bullshit
10:36 PM
Marshall: like, it helps me “express” my “existential angst”
i just say fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
cuz i feel so fucke
d
Poncho: i’ve started greeting people by just doing droning screams
instead of saying hello
nobody ever says ‘how are you’ anymore
and i’ve had a cough and nobody has told me to feel better
everybody just tells me not to die
Marshall: it seems like i’m not very good at conversations
Poncho: they’re confusing
Marshall: non sequiturs
10:37 PM
Poncho: butts
Marshall: don’t die, poncho
right?
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: shit
shit
dunno, man
Poncho: i’m capable of ‘getting better’
but i’m gonna die
no matter what
Marshall: who has the answers?
Poncho: it’s gonna happen
Marshall: seems like someone must know them
seems like it’s not that hard to figure out
dying seems scary
10:38 PM
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: sometimes i feel really scared
that’s the worst
being afraid
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: seems worse than being alone
Poncho: i know that once it happens i will not fear it because there is nothing on the other side of death for me to fear, there will not even be myself to fear anything
Marshall: sure
Poncho: but thinking about that too hard, that permanent lack of fear/anything else, is terrifying
10:39 PM
i want to keep existing
even if i feel bad a lot
Marshall: yeah
jesus
seems like really “tedious”
like, seems like i think/say the same things over and over
seems like ppl have thought the same things over and over
10:40 PM
like, do you know wittgenstein
the philosopher bro
Poncho: not really
i know of him
haven’t read him tho
Marshall: someone made a twitter for him
like, they tweet his journal entries chronologically
like, he’s like 27 right now
Poncho: hahaha wow
Marshall: he tweets about being depressed and getting in fights with ppl
10:41 PM
he goes off to fight in like WW1 or something
and he feels better because he might die at any time
he talks about “solving all the problems of logic” and shit
he talks about god
like, he seems delusional
like, if i knew that guy, i would think he’s stupid
but, since it was a long time ago and ppl say he’s a “great philosopher,” you give him more credit
10:42 PM
Poncho: that is how i feel about almost all philosophers i’ve read
Marshall: like, seems like his books must be bullshit
Poncho: they seem like they’d be utterly nonfunctional as human beings on a day-to-day basis
Marshall: just cuz he lived a long time ago doesn’t mean he’s not retarded
dunno
feel like all the things that are supposed to be “true” of “contain truth” don’t do or have those thing
s
like, it’s a scam
a lie
Poncho: knowledge is evolving but people still read freud for some reason out of a respect for the ‘foundations’ of things or the classics or something
10:43 PM
Marshall: somebody lied
like, freud seems like complete bullshit
like, he seems retarded
Poncho: yeah, but he’s still mandatory reading at my university
Marshall: why don’t ppl read that and think he’s retarded
what the fuck
like
are ppl insane
it makes me feel insane
Poncho: me too
10:44 PM
Marshall: i can’t understand what kind of monster a college professor must be
what an “academic” must be
jesus
inhuman
a monster
Poncho: i have had good professors
Marshall: an alien
a criminal
Poncho: but my school is really weird
Marshall: i feel like everyone is insane and i feel afraid
Poncho: yeah
10:45 PM
Marshall: “the college experience”
Poncho: the harder i think about the implicit social contract, the stupider it seems, the more i want to just yell things and shout ‘I FEEL TERRIBLE, DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS WAY, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T’
Marshall: yeah
are there books where ppl say that
like, that can’t be a new thing
where are the books where ppl say those things
Poncho: gon’ write ‘em B-)
10:46 PM
Marshall: fuck
like
i think things like
“no one is unique” or something
like, it seems like there are lots of ppl just like you in most ways
so like, there should be some writer you can find who thinks the same things about things as you
and you can find those books and read those books and feel good
seems like they’re hard to find, tho
10:47 PM
like where are they
Poncho: i felt that way while reading infinite jest tbh
as well as ‘eat when you feel sad’, strangely
Marshall: damn
Poncho: those two extremes
Marshall: i feel like dfw is “insane”
like, i feel “alienated”
from himm
him
dunno
10:48 PM
Poncho: i was talking about this stuff with carlos kind of
Marshall: like, if you feel really bad and are afraid of dying, why would you write like that
Poncho: what do you mean
Marshall: like
why the fuck would write about all these tedious things
10:49 PM
like, why would you spend years writing a giant book if you actually felt terrible and wanting to die and were afraid to die
seems like he didn’t feel that way
so i feel like i can’t related
dunno
seems insane
Poncho: well he was seriously chemically depressed
Marshall: dunno
yeah
and like insane
Poncho: and his antidepressants just stopped working after a while
Marshall: like he wrote stupid shit
Poncho: i think
Marshall: stupid useless shit
for the “depressed reader”
like, not helpful
infinite jest seems “unhelpful”
10:50 PM
that’s my review
seems unhelpful
Poncho: infinite jest was extremely helpful to me
Marshall: like
how
fuck
Poncho: i read it right after i dropped out of university after having a nervous breakdown and it contributed greatly to my recovering mental health
Marshall: “instructive literature”
yeah?
fuck
Poncho: i dunno
10:51 PM
like, things that are supposed to be inspiring never did much for me
but infinite jest like
all those people just barely surviving terrible, terrible shit
was somehow inspiring and helpful and reassuring
Marshall: it’s like a comic book, tho
like
Poncho: what
Marshall: not real
the narrative
it’s not “realistic”
like, they aren’t real ppl
or w/e
10:52 PM
Poncho: well, certain aspects of it, certainly
the wheelchair assassins
weren’t really helpful
but like the alcoholics and the halfway house characters and don gately in the hospital
but then if it’s not real how is any literature or anything helpful ever
it makes people feel okay
10:53 PM
Marshall: yeah…
Poncho: that is the best you can hope for
Marshall: i guess like…
dunno
i don’t know how “literature” “works”
like, but if you want to “help” ppl or something
then, it seems like a novel like that doesn’t do it well
like, it seems like “speaking plainly” would be better
10:54 PM
it seems like he had other “goals” than “helping ppl”
Poncho: it depends on the person
well
my mind works that way, a lot of the time
and finding literature that mapped the same kind of insanely overanalytical to the point of paranoia thought processes that made me have that breakdown actually helped me to get over them
10:55 PM
Marshall: like……
i guess maybe i just have problems with like “narrative” or “fiction”
like, i can’t “take it seriously”
like, talk like a person, or something
10:56 PM
like, fiction seems really “alienating” or something
inhuman
why can’t you just talk to me
why do you have to write like this
why don’t they just “talk normal” or something
Poncho: but that’s how i felt when i was living in texas, it was how i actually talked and thought and felt, and when i tried to communicate with people they’d tell me to stop talking nerd and i’d have to consciously focus on slowing down my speech and using ‘smaller’ words even though ‘hence’ is monosyllabic
10:57 PM
and so to find a writer who matched my thought processes that i had suppressed by the place i grew up felt very freeing
Marshall: yeah..
what am i saying…
like…
10:58 PM
when you read a novel, you have to “accept” the “conceit” of the story…
like, these things aren’t happening, they are words on a page
Poncho: yeah but that’s pretty much the case with all art
Marshall: when you are reading and you can forget that, that it seems like it can be “effective”
Poncho: ‘this is not a pipe’ or whatever
Marshall: like, you go to a movie
and like, in the middle of the movie for some time, you forget you’re watching a movie
10:59 PM
and you feel “good” or something
but then the movie ends
and you realize it was just a movie
like, can’t a movie make you feel “good” without having to trick you into thinking it’s not a movie?
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: like, it seems like infinite jest doesn’t do that
i guess that’s what fiction is
11:00 PM
Poncho: i mean i’m a film student so with every movie i watch i also have a second level of awareness of the technical process of creating the film
Marshall: that’s how it works
Poncho: but i can do that and just watch a movie at the same time
it’s weird
but with infinite jest i frequently lost myself for hours just reading, totally absorbed
11:01 PM
Marshall: :/
dunno
Poncho: booty booty buttz
Marshall: seems “disappointing”
like, why can’t things be better
“everything is terrible”
11:02 PM
Poncho: like i always say
(everything is terrible)
Marshall: i’m reading noah’s book
treatise
i’m like halfway thru
there are lots of typos and shit
Poncho: that’s the only one i didn’t get
11:03 PM
yeah he needs an editor
but he’s still really compelling
Marshall: like, who published these books
why didn’t someone copy edit it
Poncho: dunno
Marshall: what kind of shitty press is publishing these
Poncho: they’re short, it would be so easy
i don’t know
Marshall: like
seems like it doesn’t make sense
dunno
like
11:04 PM
seems “sadder” with the typos
like
noah is like an “outsider writer”
Poncho: ‘literary pariah’ is the term he usually uses
Marshall: yeah
you know like “outsider art”
have you read that wiki page
11:05 PM
Poncho: crazy people
Marshall: yeah
like, that seems like a really “important” concept to me, re art
the idea of “outsider art”
it seems like, every artist is an “outsider artist” or something
dunno
maybe i don’t think that
like
11:06 PM
anyone who is really “bad” is like an “outsider artist”
they are insane
they aren’t able to perceive what is “good”
“bad taste” is like a mental illness
11:08 PM
Poncho: noah’s not like ‘crazy person’ outsider though
he’s just regular outsider
Marshall: he seems “crazy” in some sense
like
i kind of use “insane”/”crazy” to mean like, The Other, or something
11:09 PM
like, anyone who is not you is inhuman
a monster
they are insane
because they’re brain is different
they might kill you and you would tell them to stop and they might not
so like…
i dunno
like, anyone who writes a sentence with a typo, to me, seems sort of “insane”
in a sense
Poncho: hahaha
communicatre
11:10 PM
Marshall: dunno
it seems like any “failure of judgment” is like “damning” or something
like, if you fuck up anything, you might kill someone, or something
dunno
like, you are “retarded”
if you misspell a word, you are “retarded” and “damaged” and “insane”
11:11 PM
like
dunno why i think this
dunno what i think
11:12 PM
seems like, by spelling words correctly and not fucking up punctuation, we can save ourselves from becoming stupid, from becoming senile, from dying
Poncho: that’s probably not what they meant by immortality through words
Marshall: like, if i can read style guides and write in accordance with them, i won’t die
like, i won’t go crazy as long as i can do that
Poncho: good luck
Marshall: i don’t know what i think
i’m not sure what i think about this
11:13 PM
i have some weird reaction to this thing
yeah
it’s like a “fear of death” thing
like, it’s about not making “mistakes”
Poncho: is that, like, OCD
Marshall: like, it could be
11:14 PM
it seems like maybe everyone’s “abstract beliefs” are just “side effects” of their mental disposition
Poncho: pretty much
Marshall: like, depressed ppl think the world is cruel and evil
11:15 PM
ocd ppl who try to use good grammar find typos to be depressing, or something
dunno
middle class ppl are afraid of their teeth falling out
it is a sign of disease, insanity, death
they’re body/brain failing
their*
11:16 PM
Poncho: i have nightmares about my teeth falling out a lot
Marshall: ppl in the 3rd world, don’t
they don’t
they don’t give a fuck
dunno
like, they aren’t afraid of that
Poncho: it just happens
Marshall: it seems like a “small death”
Poncho: it’s a fact of life
for some people
Marshall: losing your teeth, losing your hair, getting fat, getting old
Poncho: teeth are temporary, like all things
11:17 PM
Marshall: sure
i guess all of these are like an “extension” of the “fear of death,” or just it to a “lesser degree”
some ppl aren’t afraid to die sometimes
dunno
11:18 PM
Poncho: good for them
that solves a lot of problems probably
Marshall: like, that’s like the “biggest thing”?
is there anything bigger
11:19 PM
is this “existentialism”
Poncho: i think so yes
we’re being existential
feels cold and hollow
shit
11:20 PM
i really want to fall asleep holding a pretty girl with soft skin and stop thinking like this but i probably can’t do that tonight
Marshall: like, existentialism is like about how “existence” is the main thing; like “being alive” or “being dead”
yeah, bro
but like
will that help and shit
bro
Poncho: a little
Marshall: seems like i’m not able to get to sleep if i’m in bed with someone else
11:21 PM
can’t sleep
Poncho: i’m insomniac anyway
Marshall: dave attell
11:22 PM
Poncho: that was a good show
Marshall: can’t really remember what that show was like
Poncho: wish i was 21/in a city, so i could do that
11:23 PM
Marshall: 21 is so sweet
Poncho: just wander around instead of being isolated on a rural college campus with no car
11:24 PM
Marshall: dunno
11:26 PM
Poncho: the usual advice
here
because it’s a rural isolated college campus in western massachusetts
is ‘winter is coming, make friends’
and it’s getting cold
and i’ve alienated the two people i was closest to
11:27 PM
Marshall: be chill, or something
don’t alienate ppl, or something
dunno
Poncho: i’m trying
but there’s only like 500 kids in the whole university and nobody keeps secrets round here
everyone takes sides on everything
makes me paranoid
11:28 PM
Marshall: sounds shitty
gossip-y and shit
Poncho: yeah fuck gossip
Marshall: fucking high school
11:30 PM
fuck
Poncho: just had this said to me
benladen: http://spamfm.blogspot.com/2010/07/im-going-to-find-you.html i just realized i wrote this for you way before i met you
11:31 PM
Marshall: damn
confused
Poncho: me too
11:32 PM
Marshall: watching dave attell on youtube
where is he now
Poncho: probably touring doing stand up
i haven’t done anything productive or of worth in six hours
i haven’t masturbated in days, which seems weird
but i couldn’t work up the motivation because my new pants have a button fly
so much effort
11:33 PM
Marshall: ha
damn
button flies
i’m like really unproductive
don’t know what i’m doing
don’t have any “direction”
11:34 PM
Poncho: my main accomplishment of the past six hours is eating an entire can of sour cream and onion pringles
Marshall: cool
fuck
11:35 PM
dave attell is so bald
Poncho: yeah
Marshall: noticebly bald
11:36 PM
the hair he has accentuates his baldness
he actually seems more bald that ppl who are completely bald
Poncho: does it make him funnier at least
Marshall: yeah
seems chill
11:37 PM
my bro is going out to a bar or something
thinking about not going
Poncho: go for it and say ‘fuck’ and ‘jesus’ and ‘shit’ and livetweet it
Marshall: like
11:38 PM
“this joke isn’t funny anymore”
like
it gets not fun
i get tired and sad
then i go home and go to sleep
like
i could just go to sleep and skip it
dunno
Poncho: sleep is probably a better idea yeah
11:39 PM
Marshall: listening to the smiths now
so sweet
“take me out tonight”
i like like two smiths songs
“there is a light…”
and “how soon is now”
those two
so sweet
Poncho: brb bathroom
11:40 PM
Marshall: have you heard those songs
“There’s a club, if you’d like to go
You could meet someone who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home
And you cry
And you want to die”
11:44 PM
Poncho: that is how i have felt every time i have gone to a ‘club’
hollow desperation
Marshall: yeah
seems “accurate”
seems like “why even go”
11:45 PM
like “nothing’s gonna happen”
“waste of time”
Poncho: so you can write about it later for your literary narrative, duh
11:46 PM
Marshall: yeah but
dunno
just listen to the song
don’t write anything
don’t go to the club
11:47 PM
Poncho: hold perfectly still
eventually cease to blink or breathe
11:48 PM
Marshall: guess so
dunno
“i am human and i need to be loved” -morrisey
ha
damn
damn
so emo
“i’d go out but i haven’t a stitch to wwEEEaaaRRRrrrr”
Poncho: both- what
hahaha
11:49 PM
Marshall: smiths seem sweet
haven’t really listened to them
Poncho: oh haha
Marshall: but seems potentially sweet
11:50 PM
dunno
seems like maybe i shouldn’t go anywhere
don’t try to [something]
like, just be alone
11:51 PM
until that’s not bad, or something
“quitting life cold turkey”
Poncho: don’t die
get better
11:52 PM
Marshall: like
not gonna die
just gonna be sad and shit
Poncho: woop woop
solidarity
Marshall: like
“not even,” or something
dunno
feel confused
11:53 PM
maybe i’ll just be alone and write sad things
like, “what else is there,” or something
Poncho: you’re good at that so far
brb hold on
Marshall: like, i’m not going to die
not gonna kill myself
11:54 PM
like, seems unlikely that things will “improve” or whatever
i try to think about what is a “sustainable lifestyle” or something
a “plan”
8 minutes
12:03 AM
Poncho: i really enjoy this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-vbyIkkHiQ&feature=related
12:04 AM
Marshall: spooky
12:05 AM
when i want to listen to sad songs, recently, i listen to will oldham
he has some sweet songs
5 minutes
12:11 AM
Marshall: talk to you later, i guess
peace, bro
Poncho: g’night
sleep good
Marshall: yep
